![]() After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.What did one butt cheek say to the other? "Together, we can stop this crap.".When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream." The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it.Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes.What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A white Christmas.What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers.What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam.What did the leper say to the sex worker? "Keep the tip.".What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off.What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.What is Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear.How is life like toilet paper? You're either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.What do you do when your cat's dead? Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.Let's play carpenter! First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells.The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. ![]() An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.How is playing bridge similar to sex? If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.What does a perverted frog say? "Rubbit.".Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes.The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ. If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls. ![]() Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
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